A dislike for children doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. A violent, pro-active and aggressive hatred of them probably does. If so, then daveb is a very, very bad person. Daveb views children as an affliction, a plague, an infestation to be rooted out, destroyed and cleansed by fire. If daveb could, he’d wear their dried heads about his neck and mount them on poles outside his apartment as a sign to other babies to stay away. Unfortunately, this fucked up world is pro-baby and daveb must curb his infant hatred, fleeing and fearing their presence instead of conquering and crushing them like the baby killing juggernaut he knows he could be. Life is so unfair.

Having a baby is like catching herpes. Everything is great until “BANG“, baby-time. You’ve caught yourself a bad case of the reproductions. It’s over. No more fun, no more evil, no more staying up till six in the morning, drooling and mumbling epithets of doom. Now your stuck caring for a parasite that stole your DNA and wants to pass itself off as a cheap copy of you. Your life is consumed with shit, drool, and vomit. You have no free time, no normal sleeping patterns and must deal with constant screeching, mewling and gurgling. Not to mention that everything stinks of shit and talcum powder. If you manage to survive the initial period of child rearing, it doesn’t get any better. They learn to talk and once they do that, God help you. The only saving grace is at least at that point you can make them understand fear, but whatever, it’s really not worth it.

As an avowed baby-hater, daveb does a pretty good job keeping them out of his life. Still, he occasionally must endure the odd subway ride with the bastards or the sounds of a little wretch’s screams filtering through the windows of his apartment of doom.

The worst has gotta be when people expect you to share the experience of their children. Daveb does not want to meet, hold or look at your parasitic offspring. It smells and is drooling, make it go away. Daveb does not understand why society defers to the person with the stroller. In his opinion, they should be apologizing for interupting your peaceful day with their hairy, noisy autonomous tumor of a child.

Honestly, there should be segregation laws concerning children. Perhaps a remote island somewhere. Let them eat themselves. Better yet, let’s perfect cloning so that we live forever. When shit wears out, just clone a new organ. Take criminals and force them to reproduce. Set up a bunch of prison/baby factories. Eat the babies. Eternal life, no more world hunger. It’s a fucking utopia.

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