If this keeps up and questions keep rolling in like they are now, I’m going to have my year cut out for me. Here we go…

Q:

Dear davebgimp.com,

What is the definition of a bi-monthly?

Sincerely,

TL

A: That’s actually a pretty good question. Honestly, in this day and age… you could’ve Googled it, but hey, it’s cool. The term bi-monthly has always pissed me off since it has two potentially confusing and misleading definitions. My last job was working on a bi-monthly and currently, I work on five publications, all bi-monthlies but some according to one definition and the rest using the other. Fucking annoying.

According to dictionary.reference.com, a bimonthly can be defined as:

bi·month·ly
adj.

1. Happening every two months.
2. Happening twice a month; semimonthly.

adv.

1. Once every two months.
2. Twice a month; semimonthly.

So you have a word that can mean something occurs twice a month, yet at the same time can mean that same something happens every two months. Maddening.

Words that make it necessary to clarify their meaning each time they are used do not strike me as particularly intelligent. Saying something like, “I only give birth to gerbils bi-monthly” means absolute shit. All you know is that I pop out the furry bastards at some point, maybe twice a month or possibly every two months, which means you have to pull a “Huh? Wha’?” and I have to explain to you that I enjoy inserting the small, furry and wriggly mammels up my ass twice a month, every other Wednesday actually, right after Law & Order so I can brighten my bitter and twisted life ever so slightly for a least a couple hours before I have to let them out and hit the sack so that I’m rested enough to run this blog in such a cheery and peppy manner. Fuck all of you. Die.

Just kidding…kinda. ;)
[Ask daveb anything! Either use this form or send an email to webmaster [at] davebgimp [dot] com with “Ask daveb” as the subject line. Remember, daveb knows all!]

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