I’d forgotten how absolutely fucking horrific Windows is. Tonight, I dusted off an XP partition that I’ve not booted for months and was assaulted with outdated antivirus warnings—more like threats actually, since my update subscription had long, long since expired. Symantec’s happy to tell you how dangerous the world of virii can be, but unless you’re waving cash, they’re not about to make it a safer place for you. They’ll just annoy the fuck out of you with “YOU’RE IN DANGER!!!” warnings that seem unable to be turned off and in themselves seem to be awfully a lot like adware bullshit. Not only will they not protect you’re fragile computer, they’ll hold it hostage with annoying pop-ups until you pay. Note to self: uninstall that pile of shit the next time you have the intestinal fortitude to boot Windows again.

On top of the antivirus bells going off, I had the obligatory Windows security patches and Genuine Advantage (oxymoron-speak for Genuinely fucked software validation tool) update. I had something like 13 patches to slog through. All this just to satisfy my occasional, every-other-month or so World of Warcraft fix. Memo to the board of directors: Get that game running on Linux or stop fucking playing it.

All in all, Windows didn’t have it’s pants up, belt tightened, cowlicks slickened and engines ready to go for a full thirty-plus minutes after the initial boot (I had to reboot like three times to apply the various updates). Finally, ever so far down the road, I’m ready. Except I no longer give a flying fuck. I’m so annoyed, frustrated and pissed off at this masochistic clusterfuck of a shitty OS, I CTRL-ALT-DELETE right the fuck out. Fuck that noise. I’ll smash Orcs some other time.

Thank God for Linux. Thank God for OSX. Thank fucking God that there’s a an alternative to being anally raped by Redmond, WA. To think of all those people out there, who use Windows every single day, so inured to being fucked that they can’t feel the bed-rail clenched between their teeth, even as the mascara stings their eyes and the rancid sweaty breath of Steve Ballmer churns their stomach as he grunts away, taking his turn while Gates scrounges for more axle grease.

Death to Windows.

Image credit: youngdoo

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