I have absolutely fucking no love for TicketMaster. I go to a fair amount of concerts. Usually three to four a month, sometimes more. Recently, I’ve been booking my next couple months and have had to buy several tickets through TicketMaster or TicketWeb. TicketWeb is reasonable enough. Their service fees are usually anywhere from two to six bucks and they let you download and print your ticket for free. This, I can live with. Ticketmaster fucking bends me over and reams my wallet like it was a doe-eyed boy in a prison shower room.

For example, I’m going to see Amon Amarth at Irving Plaza, here in New York City in early December. The cost of the actual ticket is $19.99. If I’m going to buy it from Ticketmaster, first I pay a “Convenience Charge” of $6.20. Then, I’m slapped with a $4.90 processing fee. Finally, if I want to download and print my ticket, I’ve got to shill out another $2.50 for the privilege. This brings my bill to a randy, fat and sweating $33.59. They’re nailing me in fees for an additional 68% of the cost of my ticket. Totally fucking disgusting.

So screw them. From now on, any venue that uses them for online sales will be getting my money from ticket booth sales unless it’s something I absolutely have to see and can’t get a ticket any other way. It just sucks because I like to research what I want to go see online and then nail the ticket right then and there. It’s convenient for me, but I also spend a lot more money on venues that way. Impulse shopping…it’s supposed to be encouraged, not bludgeoned to paste.

I found this list of fifty people in Congress and the Senate that have received money from the RIAA for their campaigns very interesting and dismaying. Some people took more money than others and while some names in the list hardly surprised me, I was pissed to see (or annoyed by my naivety) politicians I was not expecting to be taking money from what I consider to be the single worst trade group/organized crime syndicate in recent history.

• Barack Obama - $2,000
• Hillary Rodham Clinton - $2,000
• John Conyers - $2,000
• Henry Waxman - $3,000
• Diane Feinstein - $4,000

I counted three member of Congress that represented districts in New York. Joseph Crowley and Louise Slaughter both taking $1,000 and Edolphus Towns receiving $1,500. I’m grateful that at least my district’s representative wasn’t on that list. Historically, I’ve always voted for the lesser of two evils when it came to deciding on candidates. I’ve always had a lot of respect for John Conyers and Henry Waxman. Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama will likely get my vote for president in 2008, unless Al Gore runs. It’s disappointing to see that they are taking money from such slimy thugs.

I was reading this article about this guy who made the seemingly innocent mistake of driving through Nebraska with a large amount of money in his rented car.

This guy—Gonzales had teamed up with a partner and combined their life savings to buy a refrigerated truck and start a produce business. In total, they had $124,700 in cash. Gonzales found a truck for sale in Chicago and flew out there on a one-way ticket with the cash to buy it. However, when he got there, the truck had already been sold. So, with all this cash and no truck, he decided to rent a car to drive back. Since he didn’t have a credit card, he had someone else rent the car for him. Nervous about traveling with so much money, he hid the money in a cooler and stuck it in the trunk of the rental. Off he goes back home, until he gets pulled over for speeding.

A Nebraska state trooper stopped him on the interstate and in the process of giving him a ticket, noticed the guy’s name wasn’t on the rental contract. He started questioning Gonzales, who had a limited ability with English and ended up searching the car. He found the cooler with the cash and called in a K9 unit, thinking this guy must be either going to buy drugs or has just sold some and is slinking home with the profit.

The police dog shows up and sniffs out the car. When the dog gets to the cash, he starts barking. The cop tells Gonzales that he suspects him of trafficking drugs and confiscates the fucking cash! All of it!

Here’s the problem, up to 80% of US currency has trace amounts of cocaine on it. You take enough cash, especially the “I’ve been saving all my life in jars buried in the backyard” variety of cash, put it all together, yeah, it’s not so surprising a drug dog’s going to smell smell something.

Gonzales and his patner contested the seizure, won a ruling, but an appeal by the police had a circuit judge ruling against them and making the judgement that “Possession of a large sum of cash is ’strong evidence’ of a connection to drug activity.

Read the article. there’s no point in me rehashing the whole thing. The point is, I think it’s fucking ridiculous. I’d also argue that what the circuit judge realy wanted to say was “Possession of a large sum of cash and driving while Latino is ’strong evidence’ of a connection to drug activity.” It’s fucking disgusting.

Q:

Dear daveb,

How can I raise $150,000 to buy this two headed albino snake? I think it would taste delicious.

<3 gwennie

A: You’d think it’d be a tough task, right? I mean, that’s a pretty good chunk of change. Why you’d want to spend that amount of money to eat a mutant snake, I’ve no idea. Personally, while I would definitely eat the little fucker, I’d balk at having to pay anything over twenty bucks. Call me cheap, but that’s how I roll.

Anyway, so how are you going to pay for this two-headed genetic wonder? Shit, you gotta feed your seeds, yo. You gotta put that deep-fried two-headed bucket o’ snake on the table or social services gonna come haul your kids away for starving ‘em and shit. This is serious!

Alright, calm down. Daveb’s here with the answer. What I suggest you do is get a second job. Taco Bell, CFO of a bank, whatever you can get, just make that paycheck. Once you got some cash, click the button found on the lower right-hand side of davebgimp.com marked “PayPal: Donate”

It’s your ticket to financial freedom and the ability to eat two-headed snakes! Plus, it cures acne, promotes overall gastric well-being and makes people like you!

Use the link to send mee all your new-found cash. I will use it to become filthy fucking rich and when I die, which could be any day now, I will leave you everything and then you can munch away on two-headed snakes to your withered heart’s content. Do it. Do it now.

[Ask daveb anything! Either use this form or send an email to webmaster [at] davebgimp [dot] com with “Ask daveb” as the subject line. Remember, daveb knows all!]