This kid, whether he ends up President or convict, is definitely going to grow up to be somebody special.

A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad’s credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

…Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a “World of Warcraft” tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

…When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.

…Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a “World of Warcraft” tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

…The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played “Halo” on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.

…Ralph’s ambition is to one day become a politician.

[Link to full article]

Let me tell you… this Ralph kid has some serious fucking balls. If only I’d known somebody that fucking cool when I was that age.

Several months ago, I read a really fucked up article in Harper’s (an excellent magazine, by the way. Totally worth the dead trees) about the New Life Church and it’s leader, Pastor Ted Haggard. The article, which describes the rise, habits and history and controversy of the church as well as the modern evangelical movement in America blew my mind. I’d never really considered or been aware of the reality of a modern, Neo-Christian fascist movement. The people seemed brainless, their leaders seemed like oily thugs and the whole thing really disturbed me. Scary, bad people.

This morning, I read in the news that Pastor Ted was involved in a very lurid scandal involving the purchase and probable use of methamphetamine coupled with paid encounters over the last three years with a gay prostitute.

It’s like xmas in November. Seriously, somebody toss some confetti. Hail Satan!

Pastor Ted’s resigned from New Life Church and the Presidency of the NAE (over 30 million served!) as well making some admissions to buying meth but not using it and to hanging out with a male prostitute, but only getting a massage. Yeah… a massage—THAT’S the ticket!

Here’s a fun interview where he denies everything and tries to come across like such a good Christian. After that, enjoy some analysis of the voicemails of him calling the prostitute to order up some meth.

It really can’t get much sweeter than when a shit-filled, hate-bag like Pastor Ted gets outed as the hypocritical, meth-toking, reach-around-guy he is. The media is going to burn him alive. I for one, would like to melt s’mores off the flames.

The world is full of evil people, horrible things and bad endings. It’s really nice to know that every once in a while the planet rights itself and some good ol’ karmic justice is doled out. Life is very, very good.