This photo pretty much explains one of the prime things I dislike about Brooklyn—breeders with double strollers and a fucked up sense of entitlement, coupled with a total lack of awareness of how disgusting they are to the rest of the non-breeding world.

I snapped this shot as I was walking down Atlantic Avenue this past Saturday. The stupid-ass bitch’s stroller was completely blocking the only entrance to the store. Fuck anybody else getting into the place, the lady needs her shit, now.

On top of this obnoxious obstruction, she has a double stroller with only one kid. These buggies are a constant aggravation and eyesore in my area of Brooklyn, whether they be slowly strolling, taking up the entire sidewalk or completely blocking aisles in the supermarket, they fucking suck and so do the people that abuse them.

I’m generally not a fan of children, strollers and the parents who feel entitled to abuse my peace and personal space with them. That’s not to say I dislike all children and parents; some are nice and whatnot, but I usually prefer to appreciate them from a distance. I don’t want any kiddie cooties.

Recently, I was posed with a dare. Was I a man of conviction, strong and brave enough to leisurely wander about Park Slope—breeder and baby stroller central, while wearing this shirt? Fearless barbarian that I am, I have accepted this challenge.

In professing my fearlessness towards babies and their parents, I was also challenged as to what I would do if faced with the scenario of having insulted enough parents as to incite a mob of angry procreators, attacking me and threatening to break my kneecaps with their strollers.

The answer is simple. I would grab one of their children by the feet and swing them like a club, bludgeoning parents left and right, hewing a path to freedom and earning myself a proper dosage of fearful respect. Duh…