I thought I was emotionally scarred by school, but up against this guy’s query, I’m starting to questions that. I traced this guy’s IP address to NJ. Why all my nastiest questions seem to come from that state, I’ll make no guesses, but you New Jersey people are some fucked up puppies.

dano wrote:

Q:

Is it true that my high school english teacher used to sexually stimulate herself by putting tuna fish in her vagina and then having her cats eat it?

A: My first reaction to your question was “mmm…tuna” , followed by a “Wait…what? Whoa!” and as I now write this post, I’ll admit that I’m eating a tuna-melt on whole wheat and my faithful cat George is staring at me with a look of near mutiny. Such is the power of canned fish.

In answer to your question, of course she did. Who wouldn’t? It’s tuna, fer’ chrissakes. That’s it’s primary purpose on Spaceship Earth. Shoving tuna into vaginas to feed pets is as American as apple pie not to mention a wonderful bonding experience for you and your furry little buddy. I recommend you run right home and try it yourself. If you don’t have a vagina, get one.

I think the real question here is whether the tuna was dolphin-safe. I mean, if it wasn’t…that’s fucked up.

[Ask daveb anything! Either use this form or send an email to webmaster [at] davebgimp [dot] com with “Ask daveb” as the subject line. Remember, daveb knows all!]